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The Roofers

Unlike a Superhero they never land on time,
And by the time they’ve finished it’s looking like a crime,
And there’s not one single shred of proof that their motive is to mend my roof,
And it’s hard to get the truth from these cagey workmen all aloof,
Their number is hard to score,
Sometimes the ringleader sometimes more than four,
Are they really up there ? or is it an elaborate detour,
To the rob the nearby Nat West Bank, or local convenience store,
Whatever they are up to is against all planning laws,
But what’s the use to moan and groan or get a pricey loan,
I must protect my three floor home,
So calling up his mobile phone, craning my neck up to the great unknown,
I hear no answer just the mocking dialling tone,
And the sound of hob- nailed jack boots trampling my ailing dome,
But wait !..............I hear the sound of laughter,
Coming down the chimney breast,
The clink of mugs, the Bon Ami,
As if they were my paying guests,
‘Sod off you yobs ! get off my roof’ , you must be on the make,
It’s only been an hour since your last tea and coffee break,
For pity’s sake,
I’m running out of digestives and my mother’s homemade cake,
You must have seen me coming and now I lie awake,
Thinking of the costly law suit that I’m going to have to take,
But first I’m going to front them, an expedition to the summit,
To try to solve the mystery of this high rise who’s- not- done- it !
And moving to the ladders standing up right over there,
I mount them like a warrior without the time to spare,
But I’m staring looking upwards at over thirty feet of air,
And soon I find I’m gasping could be asthma or despair,
So well before the top rung my heart and lungs are rasping,
Do they keep a first aid aqualung and could I stand the shame of asking,
So clinging tight with all my might,
I’m trying not to trip or stall,
It feels a long way down to the empty skip to break my fall,
I quit the daft ascent, I’m far too jumpy,
I grab my blue inhaler, and concentrate on getting comfy,
I’m no match at altitude, I’m no urban monkey,
So instead I’ll keep my head and guile,
Wait at base- camp a while,
I’ll set a trap unbowed, whilst they nap beneath the clouds,
At last it’s time for knocking off, I hear their loud descent,
I’ll make them pay, I’ll have my way, they will in turn repent,
Arriving at ground zero, the ringleader and this hero,
We have our spat, he knocks of the VAT,
Job done !.... Cheerio !